Just as a man’s body will reveal how he eats, a man’s wife will reveal how he worships.
Is your pastor a godly man? Look at his wife and you will see what kind of man he is. She is one of the biggest indicators to look at to see what kind of man he is because she bears witness unto who her husband is. Just as children bear witness to how they were raised, a wife bears witness to her husband’s desires and what he values.
A man has always been known by who his wife and his children are. As a tree is known by it’s fruit, a man is known by his wife. We see this in the Scriptures and know this in our hearts: “Thy wife shall be as a fruitful vine by the sides of thine house: thy children like olive plants round about thy table. Behold, that thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord (Ps 128:3-4).”
As a young man prayerfully seeks a wife, the most important factor upon choosing a woman as a wife should be who she is in the Lord. He should see a pattern of prayerful devotion that is reflected in her walk that bring forth good works for many to see. She should be simple and modest in appearance as she entrusts her heart to him and to no other. For the wife he chooses will bear witness as to who he is as a man and what he values.
When he prays, he should earnestly seek the Lord to see who He desires for him to marry. While in prayer with the Lord in private and receiving His counsel from above, he will receive full assurance as to what sort of wife God wants him to have. By continuing in prayer and communion with the Lord, all menial temptations of women that have the appearance and mannerisms of the world will fall short of God’s vision He has set before him. A godly man will hold fast to the vision of the woman God has put before him and when the time is right will marry. She will become his blessing and glory to him all of their days as she bears witness to who he is as a man.
What do the Scriptures tell us about a wife being a man’s glory?
“For a man indeed ought not to cover his head, forasmuch as he is the image and glory of God: but the woman is the glory of man (1 Cor 11:7). Doxa is the Hebrew word for glory, meaning; dignity, glory, honor, praise and worship. Her presence in his life will verify the man’s place with the Lord because she bears witness to his inner spiritual life therefore being his glory. This is the model set by God.
– Witness as defined by Websters 1828 dictionary means “testimony”. Here are some examples of witness in the Bible:
– Jesus shared that if He bears witness for himself, his witness is not true. He bore witness of His Father and His Father bore witness of Him. (John 5).
– John bore witness of Christ saying, “This is He of whom I spoke” (John 1:15).
– A heap of stones became a witness testifying of the covenant between Jacob and Laban (Gen 31:44-54).
If stones can be a witness between two men, how much more so can a living being, a wife, bear witness to who her husband is? Our children become a witness to who we are and what things are of value to us. Our relationship with the Lord is a witness to others as they see Christ working in us as we are in His image.
A wife brings honor to a man’s name because this is the pattern that God has made for man and woman. A man is not only blessed by her cheerful countenance and good works, he is blessed with honor and glory before other men because his wife bears witness of whom he is just as we bear witness as to whom Christ as we are in His image.
I have several friends who take in foster children, some who are quite disabled, they also adopt children who have disabilities or come from drug using mothers. We cannot help but honor the men of these women as well because they are the greater part of it by allowing themselves to have their lives changed by caring for children in need. Most men would not be a part of something seen as a burden today.
If a couple’s son attains a doctorate degree, both of his parents are honored for their son’s achievements as he bears witness as to how they raised him. His degree in turn bears witness of him.
There have been many men who have had a wife who was his glory. One such man was Martin Luther. Martin Luther met and married Katharina von Bora, a nun who fled the monastery with several other nuns as she became more interested in the reform movement. Luther was able to find husbands for all of the nuns except for Katherine and they eventually married in 1525. As you can see by the portrait of Katherine, she was not beautiful with worldly beauty but was covered with the beauty of holiness as their home became a working center for Luther’s reform. She brought in boarders, the homeless, monks and nuns into their home. She also set up a hospital within their home and brought in the sick. Instead of the garments of splendor, she wore the garments of praise. Luther’s choice to marry Katherine only added increase unto him. (1)
Another man who had a godly wife was Jim Elliot. Elisabeth Elliot accompanied her husband as a missionary to Ecuador to shared the gospel among the Auca Indians. He was murdered by the Auca’s in 1956 and Elisabeth later returned to the Indians to continue her husband’s work where many were converted and repented for the murder of her husband. Since then, Elisabeth has continued to be a glory to her husband all of these years after his death. She wrote a book about his life that comprised many years of his journals. She was another woman that did not bear the natural marks of beauty but she bore witness to him for nearly 60 years after his death. Even though she has recently passed away, his name will always come to the minds of others when they hear the name Elisabeth Elliot.
If a believer’s wife is a witness to her husband, how much more so a pastor’s wife who is a leader of many? A pastor’s wife should emulate holiness. God gave us many examples in the Bible of holy women; Mary the mother of Jesus, Ruth the Moabite, Queen Esther and Mary Magdalene. John R. Rice wrote this about godly women: “There are some wonderful things here about a godly woman. I have had more reason to thank God for good women than most men. Mrs. Rice and I have been married now for 55 ½ years. Then God has given us six lovely daughters. Then some fine women help me at the Sword of the Lord Foundation. Some have been here many years. How devoted and sacrificial they are! And everywhere I go, godly women sing in the choir, run the nursery, help do house-to-house visitation, teach in the Sunday school, and back up the work in giving. Thank God for good women!” (2)
I have a dear friend who when it came time for us to finally meet her husband, I thought “Of course she is with you and you are with her.” My friend complimented and brought glory unto her husband. I expected him to be a godly man because she is a godly woman. She bore witness of him even when they were apart because she knows who he is and knows his deepest desires.
But there is the other side too that can bring dishonor upon a man or family. It used to be that a daughter who got pregnant before marriage would being shame and dishonor upon her family. A son or daughter who does drugs and lives on the streets brings shame and dishonor upon his family. A tenant who is recommended by a friend who ends up damaging the owners home brings dishonor upon the friend who recommended he rent his home to him. A low credit score that disables a man from being able to buy a simple washer and dryer when needed because his wife has been careless with their money, brings shame upon the family.
A man who follows his flesh and neglects his prayer closet with the Lord will have a huge affect on his wife. His deficiency in worship will manifest through his wife and reveal itself through her choice in clothing, mannerisms, her walk and her tongue. This is because she wants to be pleasing to her husband’s desires. Though many may find her attractive and exciting, they will not see her as godly or holy.
Some years ago a pastor came to our home with a few members of his congregation. My husband had contacted him because we were looking for a biblical church and could not find any within the area. When he arrived, we noted that he didn’t have any resemblance of worldliness and conducted himself in an appropriate manner. He led worship, shared the Scriptures and gave all appearance that his life as a pastor was in order. All seemed well until the second time he came to our home with his wife. Upon meeting his heavily jeweled, thick make up and leopard print blouse wearing wife, this man diminished greatly in our eyes. His wife did not bring glory or bear good witness unto her husband, rather, she being a reflection to his inner spiritual life (or lack of it) revealed to us who this man was. We chose not to go to his church.
My husband shared that a church he attended many years ago the pastor shared with the women of the congregation that there were many marriage problems within the church. He proceeded to share that the women needed to become familiar with football and to learn the terminology of it such as “touchdown” and “wide receiver”. He said that this would bring them closer together and give them something to talk about within the home that is of interest to her husband.
Do you see where we have gone astray? With this sort of advice it’s no wonder that men have wives that are ungodly. How can a woman bring glory to her husband and godly edification to his being when she is taught by leaders of the church to please him with football? Worst, they are taught that this will strengthen their marriage! Since when did the world’s entertainments that includes strippers (cheerleaders), strengthen the marriage of true believers? I thank God that my husband has nothing to do with such filth. This pastor cannot even teach things that bring glory to God. As A.W. Tozer once said, “The church cannot even teach spiritual things anymore.” If he were truly a worshipper of the Lord, his words would verify him so as he would have instructed them that they need to pray and worship the Lord together with psalms and hymns.
Today we received an e-mail from some friends who had just returned from Israel due to a death in the family. They are having many troubles as they have run out of money and have no where to stay. My husband and I prayed together this morning, then shared with our friends that they are more than welcome to come and stay with us. Our concern for them is deep and we have continued to talk about and pray for them throughout the day. These are the things that bring my husband and I closer together. These are the things that are supposed to fill our day.
If a woman is ungodly, it usually has something to do with the husband. Am I saying that the husband of every ungodly wife is unfaithful to God? No, there are many instances in the Scriptures that tell us otherwise. There is plenty of instruction as to how the woman is to behave as a wife but for the most part if a woman is not godly, it is because she is following her husband or reacting to his sin. She knows his desires and will want to try to appease him.
If she sees him staring at women who dress promiscuously, she in turn is going to dress promiscuously. If she knows he cheats on his taxes, she in turn will help him spend the refund when it comes in. In turn, if she sees that he loves to study the Bible, she is going to be a part of it with him and compile a reading plan that they can get the most out of reading the Bible together. If she sees that he likes to give to Christian agencies that support the poor, she will be a part of finding ones that they can contribute their funds to. If he wants their children to go on a missionary trip, you can bet that she will do some research into where and when and how long their kids should be gone. His good and godly heart will allow her heart to open up more to good things for their home in the Lord. She may want to adopt children and knowing her husband, she knows this topic isn’t too far off to bring up.
Man’s glory Man’s dishonor
Are you starting to understand how God purposed the hierarchy of God, man and woman? Surely He meant for the woman to bring honor unto the man and not dishonor. We would expect dishonor from unbelievers, not pastors wives. Do the wives of the leaders in the church reflect a picture of the men that brings dignity, honor, glory and praise? Surely not!
No man who is close to the Lord, who seeks and obeys Him will choose a woman who is ungodly. Today we see pastors and leaders of the church with wives that are anything but godly. Their appearance and mannerisms testify against them and their husbands. This is because we live in a time where evil is thought of as good and good is thought of as evil (Isaiah 5:20). Men justify themselves before men even though God knows their hearts: for that which is highly esteemed among men is abomination in the sight of God (Luke 16:15). It wasn’t that long ago that if a new preacher showed up in town with a wife that wore lipstick and jewelry that they would not allow the pastor to preach at their church.
Today we live in a time when men are esteemed for doing what is evil. It has become common for a pastor to have a wife who dresses in a manner that is anything but chaste. Instead she dresses like someone you find in the public school system and her mannerisms are not any higher than her dress. Leaders in the church are encouraged that this is the way of God (that she’s a blessing from God) and nobody questions it or they are accused of being legalistic or jealous!
Isn’t the hot wife with the low cut dress a blessing given from God? Men, you know in your hearts what is holy and what is defiled. Just as the church bears no resemblance to her former beauty, the pastor’s wife no longer bears the beauty of holiness. God does not put His sons with harlots.
Remember, a man who earnestly prays and has daily communion with God will end up with a godly wife who loves him and lavishes her love upon him in ways that keep him satisfied and she will bless many who come into her path. This is a man of God, this is a man who hears from and follows God and you want to follow him. He will lead you in a way that you will get closer to Christ and the peace of God will fall upon you. Do not be fooled any longer. You know what a godly woman is and you know what a seductive or worldly woman is. Follow that man who’s wife testifies holiness about her husband. Follow that man who’s wife testifies fidelity, honor, commitment and a quiet strength in her husband. You want to follow the man who hears from and follows God. You do not want to follow the man who hears from and follows the world. Look at the wife and you shall see the husband.
Many who read this will close their ears because they love the praises of men rather than the praises of God. They love the high places as they are held in high regard among the other filthy thinkers and doers who wear crosses on their necks and carry Bibles in their hands. They love the low cut blouses, the flirtatious mannerisms and the made up faces because it is all they know and want to know. They do not want to know the right way, the beautiful way of a woman who is kind, who bends her back to help others in need. These men will not hear the words written here because they do not want to hear the Words in the Bible and they do not want to hear God in their closets.
However, there are a few who still have a heart bent towards God, and His truth regarding purity, women, marriage and how to lead others in His ways.
If you are a pastor of a church who earnestly and humbly follows the Lord, it’s not too late to repent for your ways as a youth in how you married before coming into position as a pastor. It is also not too late for your wife to become a glory to you rather than a trophy that perishes. Admiration from men is fleeting but honor is a crown that is everlasting and carries much greater weight.
Your wife will change when you change. Change the husband and you’ll change the wife. If an unbelieving husband can be won over to the ways of the Lord by his wife’s chaste behavior how much more so can a wife be won over by the ways of her husband? It may take her time to see that you are sincere and that you really want a wife who is a lover of God rather than a pleaser of man. Start in your prayer closet with God then talk with her, pray with her and lovingly guide her away from those things that bring evil upon your name and show a lack of her commitment to you being her husband.
Pray and keep praying and do not worry about anyone else. As you keep seeking the Lord and allowing Him to change you, your wife will change too as she follows you. If your congregation doesn’t like the changes in you and your wife and it goes to nothing, know that God will bring new people, others who are like minded and true seekers of the Lord or He will plant you elsewhere.
If you are going to a church where the pastor’s wife dresses immodest, what are your thoughts about the man as a leader and guide over you and your family? Do you covet his wife and do you think it is proper for a leader in the church to have a wife that dresses and acts the way that she does? Do you believe this is the way of God? How do you think he or other leaders in the church would respond if you were to approach them on this subject? If you aren’t sure, it’s okay. Almost everyone is fooled today. We have a lack of good teaching available to us and certainly a lack of example. My husband and I were fooled for many years. Seek the Lord, ask Him about it and keep going back to Him until He shows you the truth about the pattern that God has set before us of God, man and wife.
If you are uncomfortable with what you are seeing in the leadership of your church, feel free to show them this article. Get together with other like minded men and approach the pastor and leadership within the church. Continue to pray, the Lord may keep you there to fight for what is right for a time or He may even have you leave.
Consider if who you are following as a pastor, if he appears to be following God. Multitudes have followed the wide path for centuries before us. They went along with the day’s ways without even questioning it. Take these matters before God if you are a man. Look at your pastor and look at yourself. Contemplate what God has to say about who you are following or who you are leading. May the eyes of a few be opened.
1. Deen, Edith. Great Women of the Christian Faith. Uhrichsville: Harper and Row, 1959. 410. Print.
2. Rice, John. “Godly Women Of The Bible — By Dr. John R. Rice.”Godly Women Of The Bible — By Dr. John R. Rice. Web. 18 Dec. 2015. <http://www.jesus-is-savior.com/Great Women of God/godly_women.htm>.
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